....Scared.

I really wish I could say i snagged this photo outta my moms old highschool yearbook. I wish a lot of things... but most of all I wish I could get inside someone's head and ask them what in gods name they were thinking when they left there house this morning. Due to confidentiality purposes (and me wanting to avoid a lawsuite)... i will not disclose where this photo was taken. However... that doesnt mean i am going to keep my opinion to myself. I am a gawd-damn american citizen and I have rights promised to me by the ammendments.

Dear Jazzy Bro- Thank you for making me smile- on what was a terrible bad day. It is clear to me that you have an 'Uncle Rico' thing going on, and are still stuck in your glory days. I wish this pic displayed the killer boots you were wearing, but nevertheless I will focus on what IS displayed. I LOVE the black acid wash jeans. I am willing to bet youve worked very hard to maintain your weight since highschool, which is when you purchased the levi's. Your white on white shirt dazzles me, and I think the 'everythings bigger in texas' style belt buckle really brings out just how ridiculous your mullet is.

If i sign you up for that show 'what not to wear' on TLC... will you keep an open mind and participate?

Good day, sir.

You stay classy, Cincinnati

Hello all! I've been hiding Anne Frank style, sorry to disappoint the loyal followers.
With this new year beginning, I am excited to embark on a new jazzy journey. What we have here, in the picture above, is your typical Jazzy hoe. First of all... did you use an air brush to apply your blush? Im not sure what look you are trying to portray with that one... but the impression I get is that you are in a constant state of embarrassment with those rosey cheeks. Whats with the zebra print dress? It reminds me of a design of something an old lady would wear who lives in a retirement community called "sun city" and who can be found in the vegas casinos playing slots for hours on end and drinking cheap cocktails. And for whatever reason this may be... that vision also triggers a a god awful stench for me. You know... some of that perfume that smells like bug spray. I understand you're trying to wear the red belt as an accessory... but REALLY? On a dress? Referring back to the old lady... im assuming your wearing it above your waistline to hold up you boobs. The hair fascinates me... its like a gruesome car wreck that I just cant seem to divert my eyes from. Im pretty sure Kelly Kapowski had that same hair style back in the 90's. I'm not sure where you are headed... but I'm assuming you won't be getting very far. You're sipping champagne with a straw and wearing shoes that i'm pretty sure you stole from a stripper.

SO... here's an Ode to you, miss 513. You stay classy now.

*Special thanks to Jenny and Michelle for this photo!!!

Flags and Kittens

Well hello, loyal fans and blog readers! Jazzy Jill here with an update..finally!!

This Jazzy gem is sport a floral headband, "Merry Christmas" cat sweatshirt (that may or may not have been in my closet), a sporty fanny pack, and to top it all of, posed next to the American flag.

Give it up for Jazzy Jordan! I think this may be our best find yet...

Im not sure whether to laugh or be mortified.

Linds here with an update in Jazzfest 2010. Its been awhile since ive updated.. my apologies to the loyal viewers. :) As you SHOULD know... and if you don't take mental note... I really don't think there's anyone i've ever hated more than Mr. Satchell ass himself... the EPITOMY of all that is satchel... Mr. (correction) MRS. Kobe Bryant. I could go off on a tangent for 37 hours and explain to you why i think he is an ass clown of the human race. But to put it nicely... i think he is just a waste of a life. A shout out to my buddy J.R. for guiding me in the right direction to taunt him even more. Just when I though i couldn't expand anymore on how he is a jerk.. whining baby with no class or sportsmanship.. and really a liar and in all honesty probably a joke of a husband who smacks his wife around cause he likes to have power... i was wrong. I have been enlightened. Apparently he doesnt make enough millions playing in the NBA so he is taking up modeling. However.. im confused. I thought you were supposed to be attractive to be a model? Am I not supposed to enjoy gazing at you and have a genuine appreciation of how attractive you are? What the eff is the world coming to when you take photo's of kobe.. and his freakishly misshaped National geographic status misshapen head and expect people to enjoy it... let alone make him where ALL WHITE clothing... odd clothing at that... and The general population is supposed to like it? Im sorry.. it does not entertain me.. it is not appealing... personally my eyes were quite offended and im thinking about writing a letter to the photographer and magazine for wasting that moment in my life that i had to look at the crapfest presented in front of me. Im offended.. i really am. Honestly... I dont need to say anymore. The pictures completley speak for themselves. I HAD to share. Misery loves company and if you'll excuse me ive been up-chucking for the past half hour sense seeing them. If you LIKE what you see.. then im going to have to ask you to get the hell off my website and seek counseling. There is obviously something seriously wrong with you and you should not be in public until you get treatment. If treatment doesnt work.. or even if it does but u relapse and once again enjoy the pictures.. then seriously just go do yourself a favor.. and a favor for me as well and put a bullet in your brain... or lack thereof.

The EPITOMY OF THE JAZZY HOE

Why hello loyal Jazzyyyyy followers. Lindsey here: the creator and founder of the Jazzy Hoe blog. My co-creator, Jill has been playing secretary for me and been doing a better job at keeping you all updated with the jazzyness that is out there lurking... But thanks to my kick ass Mamacita, Paula... i have in my hands what i think could be the jazziest picture we have yet had submitted. This was taken by the fam house in Vegas.. and you know, its not the completley backless top that makes the jazzy... nor the spandex, weave, or heals. Focus people. Look at this womans tooshy. I understand everyone is created differently and some of us have disadvantages or defects... but WHY IN THE HELL IS HER BUTT SO MISPROPORTIONED?! its mind boggeling. i know this isnt her real butt. what was she trying to accomplish? Ive heard of stuffing your bra, but i cant say ive known anyone to stuff underpants. And not to sound racial but im pretty sure ive never seen an african american woman who was lacking on the "apple bottom" department. My hat is off to you, miss SATCHEL ASS jazzy hoe.. for i cant say i would have the cahonas to go in public like that. Seriously... GET CONTROL. How are you unaware of how ridiculous you look?? Your mother now goes to AA and wakes up to Jim, Jack, and the Captain on the daily. Shame. Shame i say!!!!

Jazzy Nugget Fans

I was privileged enough to be on the back row at the Jazz game sitting next to these Nugget fans. They weren't dressed in Jazz apparel, but they sure were Jazzy!

ummmm....it's me

Okay folks, here we have the jazziest hoe on earth (the one in the red). Me.

After a few people telling me how mean I was for making this blog I decided that instead of discontinuing the blog or ignoring the comments, I would just post myself sometimes, too.

Check out our awesome sweaters and cute hair and stuff. Yeah....that's me alright. Jazzy Hoe for life!

love, Jazzy Jill